MMS #104 - Unlocking the Power of Mentorship with Douglas Stewart: How to Take Control of Your Growth

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Mastering Modern Selling, Relationships, Social & AI in the Biorecentric Age.

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_00]: Join host Brandon Lee, founder of FistThum, alongside Microsoft's number one social seller, Carson V Heady,

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[00:00:19] [SPEAKER_00]: As we explore the strategies and stories behind successful executives and sales professionals,

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[00:00:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you're a seasoned executive or an aspiring leader, this podcast is your backstage

[00:00:35] [SPEAKER_00]: past today's business landscape. This is Mastering Modern Selling, brought to you by FistThum.

[00:01:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm actually at a middle school.

[00:01:15] [SPEAKER_03]: Going to teach some people out of selling, that's right. You can never start too early.

[00:01:23] [SPEAKER_01]: So welcome, where are you? What part of the country, Doug?

[00:01:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Right now, I live in Raleigh, North Carolina. I'm actually on my way back from an event with a

[00:01:33] [SPEAKER_02]: client in Virginia Beach. It's about three hours so drive, I'm kind of like halfway between right now.

[00:01:39] [SPEAKER_01]: Okay, yeah, I look like there were a lot of trees and stuff in the area, so

[00:01:43] [SPEAKER_01]: definitely didn't look like California, that's for sure.

[00:01:46] [SPEAKER_02]: No, it's definitely not California.

[00:01:49] [SPEAKER_04]: When I was in Cairo two weeks ago, that looked a lot like California.

[00:01:52] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[00:01:54] [SPEAKER_03]: Drive, desert. Yeah. Back from Arizona, there's not much vegetation there.

[00:02:00] [SPEAKER_04]: Exactly. It's even less air than here.

[00:02:04] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah. Hey, I'm excited to get to this and in here Doug was just leading an event

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_04]: which I want to hear about as well. This is exciting to me because this is all about

[00:02:18] [SPEAKER_04]: Carnegie and how to win friends and influence people like this is this is my energy right here.

[00:02:25] [SPEAKER_01]: All right, well it's rock and roll. Doug tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do and then

[00:02:29] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm sure we have a few questions that we might want to get and I want to

[00:02:35] [SPEAKER_01]: welcome our most valuable guest or I'm sorry, most valuable listener Bob is here so a low-hot

[00:02:42] [SPEAKER_04]: Bob as well. Oh, ha. Which is different than a high shot. That's right.

[00:02:52] [SPEAKER_02]: All right Doug. How was that? Thanks Carson. Yeah, absolutely absolutely. So I'm Doug Stewart.

[00:02:59] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm a native of North Carolina. I've been in this training development space since about 2011 or so

[00:03:08] [SPEAKER_02]: before that my background was was retail. My grandfather owned a number of furniture stores across the

[00:03:15] [SPEAKER_02]: the Raleigh North Carolina area and he decided to put me on his sales floor when I was about 12 years old

[00:03:24] [SPEAKER_02]: and I thought when that happened, you know, I saw it as a big honor right? My grandfather

[00:03:29] [SPEAKER_02]: sees something in me as well and to take this risk and put me in front of these adults right as a 12-year-old

[00:03:36] [SPEAKER_02]: and then I realized a little bit later on this was about my college age. I asked him about it

[00:03:41] [SPEAKER_02]: because it was something that was so influential and meaningful to me and you know, I'm like,

[00:03:46] [SPEAKER_02]: you know, grandpa, this was such a big deal for you to trust me like this and he goes, oh

[00:03:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I actually wasn't sure that you'd have any other transferable skills and so

[00:03:58] [SPEAKER_02]: what I know and this is I mean he lived in British if you can sell you can survive.

[00:04:05] [SPEAKER_02]: And so he taught me that that skill so that's really my first competency was what sales and

[00:04:13] [SPEAKER_02]: and then I was invited to attend a Dell Carnegie program with a customer of mine

[00:04:20] [SPEAKER_02]: because she had shared with me that her leader was going to make her take this stupid leadership

[00:04:24] [SPEAKER_02]: program and she didn't want to go but if I would go with her they would pay my way as well

[00:04:29] [SPEAKER_02]: and so I attended this thing, had a transformational life-changing experience really in every category of

[00:04:35] [SPEAKER_02]: my life and then just stuck the person at the time that was running that market really turned into

[00:04:43] [SPEAKER_02]: like a father figure and his wife a mom to me and that was back in 2011 and today my role is as

[00:04:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Vice President of Business Development and I managed most of our global sell strategy as well as a

[00:05:00] [SPEAKER_02]: team that the manager manages our regional and local business and then I also facilitate coach

[00:05:07] [SPEAKER_02]: and do some some other things across the network as well.

[00:05:12] [SPEAKER_04]: Hey, Doug, I was I was fully expecting your grandfather to say he he wanted free labor

[00:05:19] [SPEAKER_04]: and he just wanted to get you out of his hair and send you off in the promise story.

[00:05:25] [SPEAKER_02]: There's probably a little bit of that.

[00:05:30] [SPEAKER_01]: So Doug, when you went to the original workshop which was 2011 right what was and I know there

[00:05:37] [SPEAKER_01]: was probably a number of things but what was the maybe one or two things that were those

[00:05:42] [SPEAKER_01]: but kicking life-changing realizations that you had and and then what happened after that?

[00:05:50] [SPEAKER_02]: You know I've I've always been skeptical of the of the types of things like if you build it they

[00:05:56] [SPEAKER_02]: will come when the learner is ready the teacher will appear like those sorts of things have always

[00:06:02] [SPEAKER_02]: felt like a little like airy fairy but in this case I think it really it really plays out because

[00:06:10] [SPEAKER_02]: when I attended that first program it was an a time in my life when I really desperately needed

[00:06:16] [SPEAKER_02]: community. My wife and I had just left the family business and unfortunately the

[00:06:26] [SPEAKER_02]: the the thing that we were told by other members of our family was if you leave the family

[00:06:34] [SPEAKER_02]: or if you leave the business then you leave the family in your choice right and we knew that

[00:06:39] [SPEAKER_02]: we weren't meant to be there and it feels very like mob sort of thing you know or a main man yeah

[00:06:47] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah that's right and we knew that that wasn't what we wanted to do for the rest of our lives

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_02]: and so we we rolled the dice and so my wife my I left the family business and took an

[00:06:59] [SPEAKER_02]: entry-level job at a company called temper peetit and we had just made that transition

[00:07:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and essentially had been kind of ex-communicated from from my family her family doesn't live close by

[00:07:12] [SPEAKER_02]: and we really needed community and what I found in that program in addition to the methods the

[00:07:20] [SPEAKER_02]: models the structures and all the things that make delcarrying training famous was it was the it was

[00:07:26] [SPEAKER_02]: the people it was the community which was such an incredible gift to us especially then and obviously

[00:07:34] [SPEAKER_04]: still still to this day wow that's an amazing story I love it and it reminds me also in

[00:07:43] [SPEAKER_04]: Doug and I have spoke about this that as much as I love the book I've consumed the book I read this book

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_04]: over and over I've never been to a can't Dale Carnegie event which is probably one of the biggest

[00:07:54] [SPEAKER_04]: mistakes I've ever made especially listening to Doug's story but I will be with Doug in two weeks

[00:08:00] [SPEAKER_04]: at a Dale Carnegie event up in Raleigh we look forward to your work.

[00:08:06] [SPEAKER_04]: Transformation I tell you already haven't even tell you how many times I've recommended that book

[00:08:11] [SPEAKER_03]: to people especially people that I've coached and you know how important it is to truly earn the

[00:08:17] [SPEAKER_03]: right to influence I mean just the way that it's still you know we talk all the time brand

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_03]: and you've got your your statement about other more things changed the more they stay the same that

[00:08:29] [SPEAKER_01]: is one fundamental truth of sales that will never go away. So Doug tell us a little bit you know

[00:08:37] [SPEAKER_01]: as VP of business development kind of give us an audience the pitch right like why why do mentorship

[00:08:44] [SPEAKER_01]: why do the coaching why get involved with this how is that going to help you you know let's kind of

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_02]: go through the process. Yeah well the the interesting thing is that is that every anytime we have

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_02]: a message to deliver or a product or service to communicate or an opportunity to share it's all sales

[00:09:05] [SPEAKER_02]: right and as as we know as the as Zig Ziglar famously said that you know all sales is simply a

[00:09:12] [SPEAKER_02]: transference of emotion right and so the the thing that that really I think stands out for for us is

[00:09:20] [SPEAKER_02]: it's not very common for us as adults to have a space where we can go on a once on a weekly basis

[00:09:30] [SPEAKER_02]: or maybe ever where we can sit with a group who is genuinely interested in our intended outcomes

[00:09:38] [SPEAKER_02]: and we can just spend time thinking about considering committing planning and having insights sharing

[00:09:45] [SPEAKER_02]: ideas challenging ideas it's so rare for us as adults to have that right like think I mean if we

[00:09:52] [SPEAKER_02]: think about just the the four of us and if we were to answer the question of when was the last time

[00:09:58] [SPEAKER_02]: you had an hour that was just you and your job was just to focus on you and who you were

[00:10:06] [SPEAKER_02]: becoming aware you were going my anecdotal experiences that not many people actually have that opportunity

[00:10:15] [SPEAKER_02]: ever right and so one of the the the the the beautiful things about delcarnity training and the thing that

[00:10:22] [SPEAKER_02]: has made it last for over a hundred years and to be able to be delivered in 90 countries in

[00:10:29] [SPEAKER_02]: 34 different languages is is the fact that it's not tactics it's not techniques it's not tricks

[00:10:38] [SPEAKER_02]: it is based solely in human nature and the biggest distinction is that the things that we commit to

[00:10:45] [SPEAKER_02]: and the delcarnity principles that we commit to be a demonstration of aren't things that we use

[00:10:51] [SPEAKER_02]: on other people for our benefit these are things that we use on ourselves for the benefit of others

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_02]: and the byproduct is we also get to benefit right and so being able to make that distinction between

[00:11:02] [SPEAKER_02]: what is simply knowledge transfer and what is true applicable tactical tangible skill development

[00:11:08] [SPEAKER_02]: is is really the differentiator for us. I love the similarities to a lot of the themes that we've

[00:11:15] [SPEAKER_03]: talked about on this show before you know whether it's the building community and the importance

[00:11:22] [SPEAKER_03]: of that piece all the way to just some of the fundamental elements of the relationships that are

[00:11:32] [SPEAKER_03]: to influence I love how the fundamentals are so grounded in what Doug just said.

[00:11:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah and what I hear you saying is it's not about what you're due but what you are is that

[00:11:47] [SPEAKER_01]: is you're really expanding who you are versus what you're doing and if you do that then what you're

[00:11:53] [SPEAKER_01]: doing should be more efficient, more effective and more successful.

[00:11:57] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah and in fact it's one of the things we just talked about in the workshop that then we just

[00:12:03] [SPEAKER_02]: delivered for one of our clients is this idea of what does it mean to be authentic.

[00:12:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Right so conventional wisdom says that authenticity means that I'm true to myself

[00:12:13] [SPEAKER_02]: whatever that means and that's assuming I even know who I am right I'm still figuring it out

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_02]: and I'm becoming I'm living into this thing but if we if we use the definition of authenticity

[00:12:26] [SPEAKER_02]: being true to ourselves or being who we really are or being fully transparent all the time

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_02]: and kind of using it in that in that context then we run the risk of behaving poorly because

[00:12:39] [SPEAKER_02]: where we have we're emotionally elevated, we're frustrated, we're overwhelmed, we're hungry,

[00:12:43] [SPEAKER_02]: we're tired whatever that is and if I if I operated as someone who was just being authentic to

[00:12:51] [SPEAKER_02]: who I really am the person I feel like being on those days when I'm tired hungry over well

[00:12:57] [SPEAKER_02]: frustrated is not a good person you know. I gotta make it out of group person at all.

[00:13:03] [SPEAKER_03]: I gotta make a throwback here in that of famous line from I know we used to do movie references

[00:13:08] [SPEAKER_03]: famous line from Batman, it's not about who I am underneath but what I do that defines me.

[00:13:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Oh well done. Good or something yeah that's solid that's solid and yeah I mean

[00:13:23] [SPEAKER_02]: we made this we made this distinction in this in this workshop today that that we can think about

[00:13:29] [SPEAKER_02]: authenticity of that way or we can think about authenticity in terms of being aligned, being aware of

[00:13:36] [SPEAKER_02]: and a demonstration of the attribution characteristics we've committed to. Right so the the

[00:13:43] [SPEAKER_02]: sample I gave is like tonight like I am I am a completely like a closet introvert.

[00:13:49] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm an introvert I like to say I'm an introvert that has worked really hard on their social skills

[00:13:54] [SPEAKER_02]: and people wear me out like wear me out. I get no energy from being with and around people

[00:14:01] [SPEAKER_02]: and so tonight when I get home I'm gonna be I'm gonna be exhausted all right I've still got a few hours ahead of

[00:14:06] [SPEAKER_02]: me I'm gonna get tired so we're in my friend oh my gosh but here's the thing though

[00:14:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I've got two kids a 13 year old daughter and a six year old son and when my garage door opens

[00:14:19] [SPEAKER_02]: when I get home they're gonna be waiting for me and now as I love these kids they are two of the

[00:14:25] [SPEAKER_02]: four most important people in my life only only with my wife my two kids and my and my grandmother

[00:14:33] [SPEAKER_02]: and that is half of the most important people in my world they're gonna want my time energy effort

[00:14:39] [SPEAKER_02]: attention tonight and I'm not gonna I am I love them I'm not gonna want to I'm gonna be tires

[00:14:45] [SPEAKER_02]: but authenticity is is saying am I gonna operate based on how I feel and go look kids I'm tired

[00:14:51] [SPEAKER_02]: I need some time like leave me alone I'll talk to you tomorrow or am I going to align and be a

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_02]: demonstration of the characteristics that I've decided to be which is the type of father that gives

[00:15:04] [SPEAKER_02]: time energy and effort to his kids regardless of how I feel authenticity has so much more to do with

[00:15:12] [SPEAKER_02]: us doing the hard thing especially in the times we don't feel like it or is inconvenient right

[00:15:18] [SPEAKER_02]: and so that's the demonstration part that really is the is a distinction between do I know it

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_04]: do I believe it or do I embody it you know what I like about that too is is the the top

[00:15:34] [SPEAKER_04]: fix that we've talked about on the show you know we've talked about sales skills strategies techniques

[00:15:40] [SPEAKER_04]: we've talked a lot about consistency I'd say over the last couple of months guys we've been talking a lot

[00:15:46] [SPEAKER_04]: about and maybe we haven't used a word or probably we have used a word authenticity but we've talked

[00:15:51] [SPEAKER_04]: more about knowing yourself like figuring out your own as Christy said no your shit figure out who you are

[00:15:58] [SPEAKER_04]: and all that and I think this authenticity at least the way that you're defining it and you're speaking

[00:16:03] [SPEAKER_04]: about it is really plays into that like prospecting is hard but you've got to do it and you've got

[00:16:11] [SPEAKER_04]: to create systems for consistency because if you're not prospecting your pipelines going to be empty

[00:16:16] [SPEAKER_04]: and if your pipeline doesn't be you're not going to hit your goals then you go all the way back

[00:16:20] [SPEAKER_04]: and start over and if you don't continually prospect your pipeline goes like this and you're

[00:16:25] [SPEAKER_04]: revving to go like all this stuff comes into play really to what you just said is so often I think

[00:16:32] [SPEAKER_04]: especially in our US culture we act the way we feel and then justify it like well you know

[00:16:38] [SPEAKER_04]: I was tired or I was hungry or I just didn't feel like it so I didn't do it and that discipline of

[00:16:45] [SPEAKER_04]: getting to I think what I hear you saying like taking the time to clearly define who you want to be

[00:16:53] [SPEAKER_04]: and then acting accordingly and keeping yourself accountable and having mentors and community

[00:16:59] [SPEAKER_04]: that in a loving kind it may be right now and then smack you alongside the head way are keeping

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_04]: you accountable to it I mean that's kind of what I heard in this you know in a bigger picture of

[00:17:10] [SPEAKER_04]: of what we've done on the show before and what Doug Sand here is that does that sound cohesive

[00:17:15] [SPEAKER_03]: do you guys yeah I mean I think look you know I think a lot of times as salespeople or as sales

[00:17:22] [SPEAKER_03]: leaders we show up with a person, a customer, a group, a team and we report to be something right

[00:17:29] [SPEAKER_03]: that the proofs in the pudding you know we've got to deliver that it's great if I show up and

[00:17:34] [SPEAKER_03]: I tell a customer that I'm in it for them and I want them to win but your actions are going to

[00:17:39] [SPEAKER_03]: ultimately dictate whether that's true or not and I think it's all the more important that especially

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_03]: when we're working with a customer I like to put some of my cards on the table you know if I'm

[00:17:49] [SPEAKER_03]: earn their trust and if I'm going to earn the right to influence I'm going to have to show them

[00:17:58] [SPEAKER_03]: some of my cards and that look these are the things that matter I need to understand your things

[00:18:03] [SPEAKER_03]: that matter I need to understand what do you want your legacy to be I asked a customer that a

[00:18:07] [SPEAKER_03]: couple weeks ago and I was like you know you're new to this this role let's brought you here

[00:18:11] [SPEAKER_03]: what do you want your legacy to be use the things that matter to my team my organization you know

[00:18:17] [SPEAKER_03]: are there synergies or there ways that we can work together and let's be honest about what's

[00:18:21] [SPEAKER_03]: possible and what's not because neither one of us have the time to go down a path that is going to waste

[00:18:25] [SPEAKER_03]: cycles for either one of us so I think that's really important is to be able to we're going to show

[00:18:31] [SPEAKER_03]: up and we're going to report to be something but you've got to make sure that you keep showing up

[00:18:36] [SPEAKER_03]: that way and live your values. Doug what you said to about like you know the second I walk out

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_03]: door here in a couple hours I'm immediately husband dad and I can't let my exhaustion show

[00:18:49] [SPEAKER_03]: sometimes I do but you know I want to be there with and for my kids and you know someday I'll get some

[00:18:56] [SPEAKER_01]: rest I just tell them that you were on this show and it was just turning in and these people were

[00:19:01] [SPEAKER_03]: difficult I mean that's why you got to say they think this is like a break for me so I'm just

[00:19:07] [SPEAKER_03]: why but no I that resonated with me a great deal because we've got to live the values that we

[00:19:11] [SPEAKER_04]: report to be and I think as we as we talk about mentorship but I'm sorry Tom I I know we have

[00:19:18] [SPEAKER_04]: an agenda but it made it made me curious like I think there's you know in Bob said people can

[00:19:26] [SPEAKER_04]: coaching with mentoring I find that there's a lot of terms that get used of coaching mentoring

[00:19:38] [SPEAKER_04]: our companies like a family were a community but I find that true mentorship and true community is

[00:19:47] [SPEAKER_04]: really difficult to find like you ask some leaders and they're oh yeah we do mentoring we do this

[00:19:53] [SPEAKER_04]: and you ask their people and I know that the hell they're talking about like that's that's

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_04]: one that challenges at IC and when I like about what you do is you really bring that to life

[00:20:06] [SPEAKER_01]: for people and what would be what would you consider as the difference between coaching and

[00:20:13] [SPEAKER_02]: mentoring if someone were to where to ask I think the the biggest thing for me and and I have a

[00:20:19] [SPEAKER_02]: maybe I have a little bit of an alternative perspective on what it mean what mentorship as a general idea

[00:20:27] [SPEAKER_02]: means but I think a lot of times the the big distinction for me would be when you're engaging in

[00:20:35] [SPEAKER_02]: coaching there's a there's a stated and agreed upon intended outcome there's is a specific thing

[00:20:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I want to go from where I am to where I want to be I want to create a momentum on that path and I need

[00:20:47] [SPEAKER_02]: to be able to get there whereas mentorship in my in my opinion doesn't require

[00:20:55] [SPEAKER_02]: many of the things that we think or have traditionally conventional wisdom has said mentorship

[00:21:01] [SPEAKER_02]: requires right like I think what we've conflated more than the coach and mentor thing is really

[00:21:08] [SPEAKER_02]: the mentor and apprentice thing right where where you if if I wanted to become less than a

[00:21:17] [SPEAKER_02]: would teach me the way that they do things and they would they would help me develop in that way

[00:21:22] [SPEAKER_02]: when it comes to mentorship it's not required for someone else to give us permission or to give

[00:21:30] [SPEAKER_02]: us their time or energy we can engage in mentorship with everything and everyone around us and that's

[00:21:38] [SPEAKER_02]: that's really I guess kind of the crux of what my my book as well as my TEDx talk is both really

[00:21:45] [SPEAKER_02]: about the same topic was was really about really giving people a sense of freedom that they don't

[00:21:52] [SPEAKER_02]: need to be picked that all they have to do is engage in this process of allowing like Santa

[00:21:59] [SPEAKER_02]: Cussette everyone I every every person I meet is in some way my superior in in that I learn from them

[00:22:04] [SPEAKER_02]: right seeing everything and really the big the big differences are we willing to have the discipline

[00:22:10] [SPEAKER_02]: speaking of discipline to approach everything in our life with curiosity instead of judgment because

[00:22:16] [SPEAKER_02]: those two things can't coexist they can't be in the same place at the same time I know for me

[00:22:22] [SPEAKER_02]: when I'm judgmental I'm never curious and when I'm curious I'm never judgmental right and so

[00:22:26] [SPEAKER_02]: that curiosity is the thing that drives along with the awareness to then apply test try and then

[00:22:34] [SPEAKER_02]: provide feedback where you're from where you're getting these inputs from I love you're from

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_03]: our audience too like you know experiences that they've had in the way of mentorship and coaching

[00:22:46] [SPEAKER_03]: I you know I had a great mentor years ago that you know really instilled in me that you know

[00:22:51] [SPEAKER_03]: you're you're gonna have people that because mentors can coach you but you're gonna have these

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_03]: distinct figures in your career you're gonna have managers they're gonna serve a role you're

[00:23:01] [SPEAKER_03]: gonna have mentors and you're gonna have sponsors and all of them are going to have different

[00:23:06] [SPEAKER_03]: functions in your life and in your career I may have a mentor in the moment you know I may

[00:23:11] [SPEAKER_03]: be up against something where I feel like I'm in a no-wins scenario or um I don't know where to go

[00:23:17] [SPEAKER_03]: with this situation and I'm on a phone a friend I know somebody who's been in the situation before

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm gonna call them and they might be a mentor of the moment who gives me coaching but the other thing is

[00:23:27] [SPEAKER_03]: you're gonna have other people that are like on your career advisory board that are gonna be

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_03]: mentoring you all the time about different situations then you've got your sponsors who when this

[00:23:37] [SPEAKER_03]: role comes up or this opportunity or this project comes up they're willing to stand up for you and say yes

[00:23:42] [SPEAKER_03]: that's the person you need to talk to this person because XYZ that's not necessarily a person

[00:23:47] [SPEAKER_03]: that's coaching you it's not necessarily a person that's mentoring you and a manager

[00:23:51] [SPEAKER_03]: ideally they may they ideally they will coach you but they're not always your mentor either

[00:23:57] [SPEAKER_03]: a lot of times you know my mentor may be somebody else but I have had great managers that are

[00:24:02] [SPEAKER_03]: also mentors and I think that's why it's so critical when I was pompous and arrogance in my 20s

[00:24:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I always like prided myself and oh I've never had a mentor I've never had any of that and you know

[00:24:12] [SPEAKER_03]: what I look back and I realize it's like first off I wish I could go back and kick that guy

[00:24:16] [SPEAKER_03]: but I also think about like going out and proactively finding everybody that I felt was better than

[00:24:23] [SPEAKER_03]: me at anything and just learning from them that has been the most impactful element of my entire

[00:24:30] [SPEAKER_03]: sales career I can go out I can listen to Doug deliver something brand and deliver something

[00:24:35] [SPEAKER_03]: Tom deliver something I can assimilate that into my arsenal after hearing it delivered once or twice

[00:24:40] [SPEAKER_03]: and then I can go forward that that's what I think is so important about mentorship

[00:24:45] [SPEAKER_04]: you know it with change my perception because light Carson probably a whole lot worse

[00:24:51] [SPEAKER_04]: I was arrogant I was you know Carl Carl joined us he must have it must have been like the

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_04]: bat signal that we said the word curiosity and Carl jumped over and came over to chat with us

[00:25:04] [SPEAKER_04]: is the curiosity coach but I think you know when I was younger arrogant I was an entrepreneur

[00:25:11] [SPEAKER_04]: I had like one job after grad school then jumped into entrepreneurship and felt like the weight of the

[00:25:18] [SPEAKER_04]: my shoulders and it was really really difficult for me to ask for help for a long time

[00:25:24] [SPEAKER_04]: but I had a coach tell me one time because I was doing things like I'd read a book and be like

[00:25:29] [SPEAKER_04]: I've got to take everything from this book and apply it and then I'd read the next book and go

[00:25:35] [SPEAKER_04]: I got to take everything in this book and apply it and it made me think of it Carson when you were talking

[00:25:39] [SPEAKER_04]: as he said grinning whether you listen to someone talk you read a book you listen to a book on tape

[00:25:45] [SPEAKER_04]: yes to sets tapes back in the day he said just see see what the one main nugget was

[00:25:53] [SPEAKER_04]: that stood out to you like like a gold piece of nugget it's really small if it's in your pocket

[00:26:00] [SPEAKER_04]: but that little nugget is extremely valuable because it's solid gold don't try to take the whole

[00:26:06] [SPEAKER_04]: gold mine on and feel like you need to go you know go mind the entire thing just find that one

[00:26:11] [SPEAKER_04]: little nugget stick it in your pocket no it's valuable and start to apply that and that made a huge

[00:26:18] [SPEAKER_04]: difference for this young arrogant broken pain in the ass on entrepreneur back in the day

[00:26:25] [SPEAKER_01]: you know there's a there's a couple things that I've gathered one is that Carson and Brandon were

[00:26:30] [SPEAKER_01]: arrogant in the day and you know I was always so humble but that's all right but what I'm hearing

[00:26:37] [SPEAKER_01]: you say Doug is first of all this mentor thing requires a mindset approach you have to have a mindset

[00:26:44] [SPEAKER_01]: that you're willing to accept help you know Carson and Brandon what you were just saying I think

[00:26:50] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll just pop up Marie's comment here right she says I call others all the time and lead others

[00:26:56] [SPEAKER_01]: to others when I recognize I can't help right and I think we we struggle sometime with doing that

[00:27:03] [SPEAKER_01]: with calling others or reaching out to others because we're going to be burdensome or we're going to

[00:27:09] [SPEAKER_01]: get in their way or interrupt them or whatever but and I'd love your take on this Doug as I started to think about it

[00:27:16] [SPEAKER_01]: most of the time when I've reached out and asked somebody for help they're excited and they're

[00:27:21] [SPEAKER_01]: willing and they feel better that's actually it's it's to your point Carson it actually gives them

[00:27:26] [SPEAKER_01]: energy along the way do you see that to be true I mean is that is that an accurate observation

[00:27:34] [SPEAKER_02]: without a shadow of a doubt in in fact one of the one of the things that we end up talking to

[00:27:41] [SPEAKER_02]: especially young adults at adolescent late adolescent young adult and even early career

[00:27:47] [SPEAKER_02]: is when they when the question is asked how do I find a mentor that'll help me the answer is always

[00:27:52] [SPEAKER_02]: what are you doing right now because mentors are always attracted to people who are already on the path

[00:28:01] [SPEAKER_02]: right mentors do not want the ones that we want though the ones that will actually be useful

[00:28:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and helpful for us will not pull us across our own finish line they won't get us up off of our own

[00:28:12] [SPEAKER_02]: sofa right they will join us but they will not find us and pick us and beg us to go on the journey

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_02]: right and so once once people have momentum and they're already doing their work and I think the commitment

[00:28:28] [SPEAKER_02]: speaking to your kind of your comment it's it's really a matter of ownership as an example when we

[00:28:36] [SPEAKER_02]: when we talk about how to engage with a mentor to get the most out of that experience one of the most

[00:28:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I guess surprising pieces of suggestion that we give is to never ask for advice

[00:28:51] [SPEAKER_02]: and that commonly causes people to kind of step back and go wait what what are you talking about

[00:28:57] [SPEAKER_02]: that's isn't that the whole point of like a mentor and into your relationship

[00:29:00] [SPEAKER_02]: and the challenge with advice is advice is disembodied right and and advice is oftentimes

[00:29:08] [SPEAKER_02]: is in concrete in the place in time that it happened right so as an example if if my daughter who's

[00:29:16] [SPEAKER_02]: in a couple of years asked me the best way for her to get a job at high school

[00:29:21] [SPEAKER_02]: it would I would go well you this is you go to you get your resume together you take it down

[00:29:27] [SPEAKER_02]: to kinko those you get it printed and you get a couple of them printed and then you go around

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_02]: and you hand them out at local businesses and and the the reality is is that's not the way that

[00:29:37] [SPEAKER_02]: it happens as often anymore right and so I could give really bad advice even though it worked

[00:29:42] [SPEAKER_02]: exceptionally well for me not to mention if my daughter has a different personality a different

[00:29:48] [SPEAKER_02]: style a different some different um predispositions or she's a different generation a different

[00:29:53] [SPEAKER_02]: she's a she's a different gender so there's things that may have been effective for me there

[00:29:57] [SPEAKER_02]: wouldn't be effective for her advice versus so instead of asking for disembodied advice the recommendation

[00:30:03] [SPEAKER_02]: is ask for a story because a story has nuance it has layers it's something that we can

[00:30:11] [SPEAKER_02]: that we can we can read it in light of our own experiences and then we can figure out

[00:30:21] [SPEAKER_02]: in tailor it that that story that we've been told we can tailor to something that'll work for us

[00:30:27] [SPEAKER_02]: and then we're able to go provide feedback after we've applied and so and go back to that

[00:30:32] [SPEAKER_02]: person say hey look you know that that that question that asked you that story that you told me

[00:30:35] [SPEAKER_02]: here's what I did with it here's what I learned and then and that and that feedback is the

[00:30:42] [SPEAKER_02]: is one of the primary currencies for mentors because if if I know I'm helping and I know you're

[00:30:52] [SPEAKER_02]: applying I'm gonna keep investing but if I think we were just talking I've got I've got customers to talk

[00:30:58] [SPEAKER_02]: too I've got team members to talk to but I will absolutely invest time in someone that I know

[00:31:03] [SPEAKER_02]: is coming to me for insights and then going and doing something and then has enough for

[00:31:09] [SPEAKER_02]: appreciation respect to then share with me what they did what they learned and what they're doing next

[00:31:16] [SPEAKER_01]: so let me see if I got this right what you're saying Doug is if I go to a mentor and ask

[00:31:22] [SPEAKER_01]: for something don't ask for hey what do you think or what's your advice or but say hey I'm you know

[00:31:28] [SPEAKER_01]: have got the situation I'm getting ghosted by all of my prospects do you have a story or something

[00:31:34] [SPEAKER_01]: you can share with me that related to this that you've experienced is that sort of the way that

[00:31:39] [SPEAKER_02]: you should draw that out yeah it's like have you haven't have you ever had an experience like

[00:31:44] [SPEAKER_02]: that and if still what happened right because because because what they don't know I know me better

[00:31:50] [SPEAKER_02]: than anyone else knows me and I don't know me very well right so so to know that they can tailor

[00:31:56] [SPEAKER_02]: the advice in a way that will that will fit who I am where I am my situation the new one says my

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_02]: personality is is really is really a stretch here's here's the other the other thing this really

[00:32:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I think an important point to make is that when I ask someone else for their advice and they

[00:32:15] [SPEAKER_02]: give me directive advice you know what you should do you should go do this if I go do it

[00:32:21] [SPEAKER_02]: and I have a and it doesn't work then I don't have to take responsibility because it was in my

[00:32:29] [SPEAKER_02]: idea I can blame that terrible advice that that person gave me I don't have to take responsibility

[00:32:34] [SPEAKER_02]: what's worse is if they give me directive advice and I go do it and it works I don't get to take any

[00:32:41] [SPEAKER_02]: credit because it wasn't mine so I create this this relationship that that that calls as me or the

[00:32:48] [SPEAKER_02]: entity to be in some way subservient to the knowledge wisdom whatever of that person and it's

[00:32:56] [SPEAKER_02]: stifles the growth and the and the agency of the mentee right so the mentee taking ownership saying

[00:33:03] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to I'm going to craft my questions in a way that I can get better context better content

[00:33:10] [SPEAKER_02]: more nuance in the in the conversation with my mentor and then as my mentor is talking I'm

[00:33:17] [SPEAKER_02]: hailaring it based on what I know about me my situation my intended outcomes my vision my

[00:33:22] [SPEAKER_02]: values my character my past experience in future future hopes and as I'm doing that then the the

[00:33:32] [SPEAKER_02]: ability to apply becomes much more specific and I am taking full ownership because that's you

[00:33:41] [SPEAKER_02]: know the the percentage and this is one of the I guess an important part as well is the percentage

[00:33:45] [SPEAKER_02]: of responsibility that other people have toward our toward our development is absolutely zero

[00:33:53] [SPEAKER_02]: right they have no responsibility to it that is solely ours so if it's ours let's take responsibility

[00:34:01] [SPEAKER_03]: yeah I think being a mentor it's it's important to realize the responsibility of what you are imparting

[00:34:09] [SPEAKER_03]: but yeah I'm a visual I'm a visual person so when I think about this I love to have brand

[00:34:13] [SPEAKER_03]: and then I know we want to hit a couple of comments here in a second to and get Doug Stots

[00:34:17] [SPEAKER_03]: what I think about earlier brand and something that really resonated where it's you know you're

[00:34:22] [SPEAKER_03]: thinking about all these different areas where you're bringing in information that makes you better

[00:34:26] [SPEAKER_03]: could be a podcast you listen to can be a book you read a mentor is another great hopefully often

[00:34:34] [SPEAKER_03]: reputable source where you're pulling information from and it makes it all the more important

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_03]: of how we go about going on finding mentors I think some of the mistakes that people make is like

[00:34:43] [SPEAKER_03]: Doug said you don't just go into something randomly just ask them for advice and a lot of times

[00:34:47] [SPEAKER_03]: it's out of context and if they turn around and they give you advice immediately back that's like

[00:34:51] [SPEAKER_03]: going to a doctor and having them without even doing any tests diagnosing you immediately like

[00:34:57] [SPEAKER_03]: they you need to build that report have that additional context you know when I go out

[00:35:01] [SPEAKER_03]: and I seek out a mentor I'm very intentional about my outcome that I'm trying to drive in my

[00:35:06] [SPEAKER_03]: role that I have and I'm going to ask for a mentor in that situation is this somebody who is

[00:35:11] [SPEAKER_03]: a peer colleague who's doing better than I am it's something so that I can go out and figure

[00:35:15] [SPEAKER_03]: out what they're doing assimilated into my arsenal do better is this somebody who I might one day

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_03]: want them to be my boss and so I want to go out there I want to meet them understand I'm going

[00:35:26] [SPEAKER_03]: to ask them for feedback and for guidance on how I might ultimately someday parlay my experience my

[00:35:32] [SPEAKER_03]: passion my my superpowers into what they do but I also want to add value for them you know

[00:35:38] [SPEAKER_03]: is there a unique perspective that I can give you that will help you with your existing

[00:35:43] [SPEAKER_03]: business your projects whatever it is like I don't want to just show up and ask for your feedback

[00:35:47] [SPEAKER_03]: your time is very valuable are there's some thing is there a way we can form you know a partnership

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_03]: here where there's value that I can bring and I'd love to get your feedback and guidance as you

[00:35:57] [SPEAKER_03]: get to know me better things of that stat you're but I think that's why it's so important that we are

[00:36:01] [SPEAKER_03]: intentional in our pursuit but also that we're looking at mentors has yet another way of

[00:36:07] [SPEAKER_03]: bringing in things that can make us better we can internalize it but we do we ultimately

[00:36:11] [SPEAKER_03]: Doug we want to own that that responsibility because I'm responsible for going out and finding

[00:36:15] [SPEAKER_04]: these things internalizing them and then executing that's so good Carson I mean what I was hearing

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_04]: you say too is if we're out looking for someone to mentor us the onus has got to be on us to

[00:36:31] [SPEAKER_04]: show up the right way and I think what I heard you and Doug both saying is that a lot of times

[00:36:36] [SPEAKER_04]: people come in and they say tell me what to do but that's not looking for a mentor that's looking

[00:36:41] [SPEAKER_04]: for a solution and you're looking for somebody and as Doug said you know if you do that and you

[00:36:46] [SPEAKER_04]: apply it and it doesn't work then you have no ownership like I did what you said it didn't work

[00:36:51] [SPEAKER_04]: and it it puts you just in a negative cycle like it sounds like the mentee side is a mindset

[00:36:59] [SPEAKER_04]: right as well as the mentor side has to be a unique mindset either side can't be tell me what

[00:37:05] [SPEAKER_04]: to do or let me tell you what to do we got a couple of comments can I I like the carols

[00:37:11] [SPEAKER_04]: on mentors think easier to tame a zeal it than raise the dead I think that's a really good

[00:37:20] [SPEAKER_04]: question and pump they are a comment and going into my next one and I think this is a good question

[00:37:26] [SPEAKER_04]: and Marie I don't know if it really is totally relevant about just being a woman leader I think in general

[00:37:33] [SPEAKER_04]: you know other seeking advice and you making time for them like what do you guys do because we can't

[00:37:41] [SPEAKER_04]: give our time to everybody and I think there's this perception that if people ask me for my advice

[00:37:46] [SPEAKER_04]: or they ask me for time I want to be a giver I want to be a servant so I give it but I don't

[00:37:52] [SPEAKER_04]: think we always have to say yes like how do you guys address that what's that to Doug Brandon

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_04]: go for it Doug and Carson yeah you maybe Doug's not hearing us anymore oh yeah no I'm

[00:38:10] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah I go for it I was leaving a little space to hear to hear you guys yeah I think

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I think for me the answer the answer for well when we think about how do we how do we engage in these

[00:38:28] [SPEAKER_02]: types of relationships and as a mentor how do we pick right especially the mentors that we want

[00:38:36] [SPEAKER_02]: most are usually the ones that have the most limited time right and I can think thinking about my career

[00:38:42] [SPEAKER_02]: now and the responsibilities I have is a husband and a father is a as a member of my community my family

[00:38:48] [SPEAKER_02]: my team my organization and then my own ambitions it doesn't leave a lot of time and and I'm not sure

[00:38:56] [SPEAKER_02]: there's a there's a great answer but what I do know is if I am going to stretch my time it's going

[00:39:04] [SPEAKER_02]: to be for someone who's already doing the work right it's gonna be someone that that is pursuing

[00:39:11] [SPEAKER_02]: me not the other way around and as I think about my me as a mentee the most successful mentee

[00:39:18] [SPEAKER_02]: mentor relationships I've had with my mentors are always the ones that I'm in pursuit of them

[00:39:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not waiting for them to pursue me and they they have the full opportunity and right to go

[00:39:31] [SPEAKER_02]: like buzz off and like leave me alone and that's that's their prerogative fortunately it's not

[00:39:36] [SPEAKER_02]: really something that's that's happened very often and I think the the way that we decide is based on

[00:39:44] [SPEAKER_02]: what we think we can our return on investment our time investment with that person will potentially give

[00:39:53] [SPEAKER_02]: will this person actually apply are they art would they do the work either way because a mentor

[00:39:58] [SPEAKER_02]: realistically should not necessarily change the course of a person's trajectory they should

[00:40:07] [SPEAKER_02]: amplify it or they should speed it up right because I even think about the mentors I've had in my life

[00:40:12] [SPEAKER_02]: so many of them as I think back they they they sped up my development but the reality was I was

[00:40:20] [SPEAKER_02]: committed to getting their either way like it was going to if it wasn't through this relationship

[00:40:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I was going to find a book if it wasn't a book it was going to be a podcast it was a podcast

[00:40:27] [SPEAKER_02]: it was a YouTube video it was a YouTube video it was anecdotal um experience if it wasn't that it was my

[00:40:32] [SPEAKER_02]: peer group like I was going to find it in figure it out and I think that ownership piece and being

[00:40:37] [SPEAKER_02]: in pursuit of of your own in with enthusiastic discovery let's say really is the difference maker

[00:40:45] [SPEAKER_02]: and if we are someone that wants to attract mentors that is the way to attract the best mentors

[00:40:56] [SPEAKER_03]: it's funny sometimes I feel like people that are searching for mentors almost follow the same

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_03]: playbook because they say a lot of the same things and I'm one of those people I try to say yes

[00:41:06] [SPEAKER_03]: to every opportunity but it becomes just overwhelming and so I do have some advice in that regard

[00:41:12] [SPEAKER_03]: I think first off like be honest I mean there are people and to let them know like hey look you know

[00:41:17] [SPEAKER_03]: I'm right now I'm in the middle of this time of year in my fiscal business I don't have a lot of

[00:41:24] [SPEAKER_03]: time to show up but I might around XYZ timeframe on the flip side when you're asking for a mentor

[00:41:30] [SPEAKER_03]: you know a lot of people will say like hey will you mentor me can we set up a cadence or something like that

[00:41:36] [SPEAKER_03]: it's hard for me to commit to a cadence so a lot of times I'll even say like hey

[00:41:40] [SPEAKER_03]: rather than committing to some kind of cadence I'd rather be available to you if you have future needs

[00:41:46] [SPEAKER_03]: you know don't hesitate to reach out and as time permits let's try to get back together

[00:41:50] [SPEAKER_03]: it's impossible for me to commit to meeting with somebody every month especially somebody that's

[00:41:55] [SPEAKER_03]: not in my family or on my team I just can't physically do it but like it's not there's no there's no

[00:41:59] [SPEAKER_03]: malice intended I'd love to meet with everybody I could if there was only an eight day a week you know

[00:42:05] [SPEAKER_03]: so be honest about your your limitations furthermore being able to maybe redirect them

[00:42:12] [SPEAKER_03]: to other resources you know Doug you kind of hit on this too like personally if I can't get the

[00:42:16] [SPEAKER_03]: person to mentor me I'm gonna go find some resources here there I'm gonna find that podcast I'm

[00:42:20] [SPEAKER_03]: gonna find that book it's also helpful to direct people in the same way I've had very impactful

[00:42:26] [SPEAKER_03]: conversations where people have mentored me but they've given me book recommendations I don't need

[00:42:32] [SPEAKER_03]: to talk to you 10 times a year you give me a couple of book recommendations once a quarter I've got

[00:42:37] [SPEAKER_03]: homework man I can go out and it's I'm you know I've read so many books this year then been recommended

[00:42:42] [SPEAKER_03]: to me by other people like first break all the rules and the score takes care of itself and

[00:42:48] [SPEAKER_03]: I mean the list goes on and on and these are making me better and I tribute it to that mentor

[00:42:52] [SPEAKER_03]: they didn't have to have like a weekly conversation with me that's what made me better and then the

[00:42:57] [SPEAKER_03]: last thing I would say is like really making sure that you're you know setting boundaries for you

[00:43:03] [SPEAKER_03]: know where this win and where this is going to be able to happen you know I think that's the

[00:43:07] [SPEAKER_03]: key element when I'm going out looking from then tour I've got to be realistic in that some of these

[00:43:14] [SPEAKER_03]: big prize mentors that I make be seeking they may be in high demand to Doug's point and so

[00:43:20] [SPEAKER_03]: being able to understand the boundaries that they may set on me and if you realistic when I'm

[00:43:26] [SPEAKER_03]: something but on the flip side as a person who mentors a lot of folks to be able to say like hey

[00:43:31] [SPEAKER_03]: it may be a quick LinkedIn message that we're able to enter exchange there's a lot of people

[00:43:37] [SPEAKER_03]: that I've mentored over the years that I don't talk to as frequently anymore but that relationship is always

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_03]: there so I think just being realistic with the parameters of the relationship is super crucial

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_04]: yeah I find I think as I've gotten older and maybe wiser definitely busier this my kids

[00:43:55] [SPEAKER_04]: have gotten older too if I get asked about my time in any way whether it's more of a mentor or

[00:44:04] [SPEAKER_04]: could I get 30 minutes or something I actually ask several questions up front and I want to make

[00:44:10] [SPEAKER_04]: sure that they've got a focus that if I'm going to give them 30 minutes I want to believe

[00:44:16] [SPEAKER_04]: that they've thought through it because if they're just willing nearly asking for my time

[00:44:21] [SPEAKER_04]: they're not going to show up prepared it's just going to be a chat and it's 30 minutes that I can't

[00:44:26] [SPEAKER_04]: get back so I I mean maybe I'm maybe I'm being a jerk maybe people don't like it but

[00:44:33] [SPEAKER_04]: as I've gotten older and busier and same thing right I've got I've got a team of 12 people now

[00:44:39] [SPEAKER_04]: I have a wife I have five kids I have my men's group that I that I spend time with when they need me

[00:44:45] [SPEAKER_04]: when I need them like I get pulled in lots of directions and I like to say like what do you have

[00:44:52] [SPEAKER_04]: in mind and I do it in general I do it kind of open-ended like that because I want to hear

[00:44:59] [SPEAKER_04]: if they've thought through this do they know what they want or they focus because if they're not

[00:45:04] [SPEAKER_04]: focused I'm sorry but I'll respond with why don't you if the young they go well I just like to

[00:45:11] [SPEAKER_04]: pick your brain great I appreciate that however when you've got a focus and you really know what

[00:45:18] [SPEAKER_04]: you want to accomplish I'll be glad to make time for you but I don't have time for my brain to be picked

[00:45:23] [SPEAKER_04]: and again I don't I don't want to sound like a jerk I just too wet I think Doug you said earlier

[00:45:29] [SPEAKER_04]: or we've all kind of you guys have all kind of said it's like I love helping people

[00:45:35] [SPEAKER_04]: who have something specific to accomplish and I love to be a part of it but if it's just here

[00:45:41] [SPEAKER_04]: and then I've taken that advice like and you know I've been I've been spending more time talking

[00:45:46] [SPEAKER_04]: with more content and I realized I'm one of my conversations with him I was asking like he's been

[00:45:51] [SPEAKER_04]: offering and I asked for something I went oh god if I was on the other side of that I would be so

[00:45:58] [SPEAKER_04]: unimpressed and I was like hold on let me take that back let me gather my thoughts with what I

[00:46:04] [SPEAKER_04]: really think I need and put a little bit more thought to it and I'll come back to you on that

[00:46:09] [SPEAKER_04]: because I realized what a lame mentee I sounded like by just being like hey can I pick your brain

[00:46:16] [SPEAKER_04]: or hey could you talk to me about this so that would that would be my advice whether you're on the

[00:46:22] [SPEAKER_04]: mentee side or you're on a mentor side is your time's valuable make sure they put some thought into it

[00:46:29] [SPEAKER_03]: and there's a focus there's a purpose but marks the nicest guy in the world so we probably didn't

[00:46:34] [SPEAKER_03]: you know what I love Brandon like my thought process has got going toward like what's the

[00:46:40] [SPEAKER_03]: right like checklist to be able to or you know kind of question air to almost go back with folks and

[00:46:46] [SPEAKER_03]: I would agree with you it's almost like what's the desired outcome like you can ask me to pick

[00:46:50] [SPEAKER_03]: my brain you can ask for a mentor you know mentor relationship what's the desired outcome

[00:46:55] [SPEAKER_03]: Marie made a comment in the chat about you know I make time by sending others to another contact

[00:46:59] [SPEAKER_03]: so valuable there's so many times where it's like people will reach out to me all the time

[00:47:03] [SPEAKER_03]: it's like they want to find out more about my organization my team's culture things of that nature

[00:47:08] [SPEAKER_03]: I don't have an opening um I would love to get to know them and they're on my radar now

[00:47:12] [SPEAKER_03]: but I make send them to somebody else who I trust on my team to have a conversation

[00:47:16] [SPEAKER_03]: give them on their radar too and now I'm doing them a service by sending them to that other

[00:47:21] [SPEAKER_03]: contact and that's why it's critical to understand what that what that that driving force that

[00:47:26] [SPEAKER_03]: desired outcome that they had this the other thing I think one of the reasons why a lot of times

[00:47:30] [SPEAKER_03]: I tried to say yes as much as I can is it's painful sometimes when people get there wrong

[00:47:36] [SPEAKER_03]: impression you know I've gotten people that have reached out to me like a LinkedIn and my LinkedIn

[00:47:39] [SPEAKER_03]: inbox is flooded and I've had people that are said like hey I really want to talk about a job

[00:47:45] [SPEAKER_03]: you know in your organization and this and that and it's like man if I had the time to respond

[00:47:49] [SPEAKER_03]: to every one of these things I would but I've gotten scathing scathing notes from people that have been

[00:47:55] [SPEAKER_03]: like you didn't respond to me you never said anything about this you're a beaming me and it's like

[00:48:00] [SPEAKER_03]: man I wish I had gotten to this and I don't want that perception to be out there but

[00:48:04] [SPEAKER_03]: I can only control so much and that's why I think it's key to be true to you be true to your core

[00:48:10] [SPEAKER_03]: the family your values live them as best you can and and you know I think that's the end

[00:48:16] [SPEAKER_01]: all the all I mean if you get a note like that it's not who you want to mentor anyway right

[00:48:20] [SPEAKER_01]: you know that there's a you're called hey I have a question for Doug here is we kind of get close to

[00:48:26] [SPEAKER_01]: popping up I want to go back to your story part that you were talking about right is is providing a

[00:48:32] [SPEAKER_01]: story or you know saying you know giving an example could that be applied and I was as you are

[00:48:37] [SPEAKER_01]: mentioning that I was thinking in Brandon love your take on this as too as you kind of continue to

[00:48:42] [SPEAKER_01]: grow your team people are coming to you I'm sure all the time with questions and problems and I need

[00:48:47] [SPEAKER_01]: this and I need that are you better serve to rather than trying to fix the problem or give them the answer

[00:48:54] [SPEAKER_01]: just tell on the story and let them try and in other words in other words being the manager

[00:49:00] [SPEAKER_01]: be the mentor is that a best practice or something as business leader as we should be thinking about

[00:49:07] [SPEAKER_02]: yeah for for me with without a shout of it out you know at some point something I shared

[00:49:12] [SPEAKER_02]: earlier today which is a which is part of the parenting philosophy that my wife and I have for our

[00:49:22] [SPEAKER_02]: potential leadership philosophy which is we never do anything for our kids that they can do for

[00:49:28] [SPEAKER_02]: themselves and I gave an example of my my son telling me his water bottle was was empty as we were

[00:49:34] [SPEAKER_02]: standing in the kitchen beside the refrigerator that has a water readily available and and I said

[00:49:42] [SPEAKER_02]: like buddy it I was sorry my water bottle was empty yeah that's right it's like buddy that's that's

[00:49:50] [SPEAKER_02]: be terrible you must be really thirsty if you don't have any water what are you gonna do you know

[00:49:55] [SPEAKER_02]: do you know where the water is and like yeah okay so so go get it and then so we go to open

[00:50:00] [SPEAKER_02]: his water bottle but his water bottle he's not she wasn't strong enough to get it open it was kind of

[00:50:05] [SPEAKER_02]: stuck and so he handed it to me I opened it but I didn't put any water in it I opened the water

[00:50:12] [SPEAKER_02]: bottle and then I handed it back to him right and and so one of the one of the questions kind of

[00:50:20] [SPEAKER_02]: in addition to water the intended outcomes is what if you already tried what have you done

[00:50:27] [SPEAKER_02]: right and it and this this idea kind of came to me I was listening to Seth Gauden this was

[00:50:32] [SPEAKER_02]: this was a long time ago and he mentioned that there was someone that reached out to him to ask

[00:50:37] [SPEAKER_02]: him questions about writing for them writing their book and what Seth Gauden said is come back

[00:50:43] [SPEAKER_02]: when you've written 10,000 terrible pages and we can talk about how you can write good pages

[00:50:50] [SPEAKER_02]: right and and that's really what I what I want to know right I want to know that someone has

[00:50:54] [SPEAKER_02]: has made the attempt that is that is trashing this willing to willing to try something

[00:50:59] [SPEAKER_02]: willing to willing to fail and when it comes to specifically my team when I'm leading from up

[00:51:05] [SPEAKER_02]: from authority or management position then if I'm giving them the answers that means I never get

[00:51:13] [SPEAKER_02]: going vacation and when I am on vacation I'm worried to death right and I think a real good

[00:51:20] [SPEAKER_02]: indicator for an effective leader is what happens when their own vacation does the whole thing fall

[00:51:27] [SPEAKER_02]: apart or are you empowering people and playing a role of support or are you are you are you

[00:51:36] [SPEAKER_02]: do you just have these people around you to support you doing the work right or you doing the work

[00:51:41] [SPEAKER_02]: of two or five or seven or twelve or are you empowering people to to to magnify and amplify

[00:51:50] [SPEAKER_02]: the work by doing what they can do and then coming in and when they look if they need their water

[00:51:56] [SPEAKER_02]: bottle open I'll open it but I'm not going to fill it up with water. I like that approach I think

[00:52:04] [SPEAKER_04]: that you know is we're in an agro-ing business hiring people and this is something I learned

[00:52:13] [SPEAKER_04]: a couple of companies ago is I have wrote about it in in my book is it was the visual for me

[00:52:21] [SPEAKER_04]: and I don't know if I can do this is this is as big as I can make my circle and that's as big

[00:52:28] [SPEAKER_04]: my company is going to get as long as I have to be involved with everything but if I just hold hands

[00:52:35] [SPEAKER_04]: with one other person my circle just got a lot bigger and then you add two people and you three people

[00:52:41] [SPEAKER_04]: and visually that for me was the reminder that if I solve their problems they're going to keep

[00:52:49] [SPEAKER_04]: expecting me to solve their problems and so we have a in fact you could probably talk to anyone

[00:52:55] [SPEAKER_04]: that's worked for me ever and if you say what is one one brand-in-ism that jumps to mind it's usually

[00:53:01] [SPEAKER_04]: this one I see two types of people in the company very simple black and white there's those

[00:53:08] [SPEAKER_04]: who put things on my plate and tell me that it needs to be done and there's people who come

[00:53:12] [SPEAKER_04]: and tell me there's something needs to be done and they have a solution and therefore they take

[00:53:16] [SPEAKER_04]: things off my plate really really simple and I don't mean to sound like an authoritarian with it

[00:53:21] [SPEAKER_04]: but really really simple which ones do you think I like to be around me which ones do you

[00:53:25] [SPEAKER_04]: think are going to get promoted which ones do you think are going to get more responsibility

[00:53:30] [SPEAKER_04]: so when you and it's the same thing like with with our kids we have that we have an expression or a

[00:53:34] [SPEAKER_04]: house it you know Zoe who's 11 she's been saying since she was probably four which is be a problem

[00:53:41] [SPEAKER_04]: solver somebody says something that sounds helpless or victimish so many of the families are going

[00:53:48] [SPEAKER_04]: to go be a problem solver like just go solve it and and it reminds me of that expression if you want to

[00:53:54] [SPEAKER_04]: fast go alone you want to go far go together the hardest part sometimes is leaders is to slow down

[00:54:01] [SPEAKER_04]: enough to use every moment as an opportunity and the big picture to go faster further

[00:54:08] [SPEAKER_04]: but it takes going slower now you know we talk a lot about go slow to move fast

[00:54:13] [SPEAKER_04]: in sales and leadership's the same thing take a little bit of extra time with this person right now

[00:54:21] [SPEAKER_04]: because then they won't have to come back and ask you that again or maybe they come back one or two

[00:54:25] [SPEAKER_04]: times but not ten times sorry she we uh she we Carson I like your suggestion and the private

[00:54:37] [SPEAKER_03]: chat we take take both love Bob's comment yeah we use that as kind of our closing round the

[00:54:44] [SPEAKER_03]: round robin yeah okay so I like you know you should Bob's real quick Bob's last comment

[00:54:52] [SPEAKER_04]: there's types of people those who put people into two types and those who tell what

[00:54:59] [SPEAKER_01]: clever Bob all right so Bob's challenge was what is a

[00:55:08] [SPEAKER_01]: what is one golden nugget that we you have received from a mentor and his was your job as a manager

[00:55:14] [SPEAKER_01]: to manage yourself out of a job who wants to go first and then dog needs to go first all right

[00:55:21] [SPEAKER_02]: that goes first that's what we do run that's right yeah repeat the question for me you've

[00:55:26] [SPEAKER_01]: brought up a little bit when you said it it is what is one golden nugget you have received from

[00:55:34] [SPEAKER_01]: a mentor like one golden nugget piece of I won't say advice because I don't we don't want to use

[00:55:41] [SPEAKER_01]: that word but guidance maybe is the right word that was kind of a life changing golden nugget

[00:55:49] [SPEAKER_02]: one the first one that comes to mind is one of the first that happened in my in my career so

[00:55:54] [SPEAKER_02]: there was a there was a vice president of a company that I was working for then I just wanted to be

[00:55:59] [SPEAKER_02]: him right he was in a position that I wanted he had all of this like credibility and respect

[00:56:05] [SPEAKER_02]: across the business like he was like the picture of who I wanted to become and so

[00:56:15] [SPEAKER_02]: the morning before before everything starts and he looks at me and he goes how much

[00:56:22] [SPEAKER_02]: is a cup of coffee and I said three or four dollars and he goes how much do you think an hour

[00:56:29] [SPEAKER_02]: of my time is worth and I went oh oh I have asked a wrong question you know and so he goes look

[00:56:38] [SPEAKER_02]: never mind me in the morning six forty five downstairs at the coffee shop so I get down there

[00:56:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like fear and trembling because I have no idea I think this guy's about to just eat me alive you

[00:56:50] [SPEAKER_02]: and so he sits down and he goes what do you want to know and I was like I aspire to to be like

[00:57:01] [SPEAKER_02]: you in a lot of ways your your role the respect you get and kind of name some other stuff

[00:57:06] [SPEAKER_02]: and I said what what advice would you give this is before I knew to ask for a story and

[00:57:12] [SPEAKER_02]: to me this was some of the most useful advice is he said make sure that you are always aware

[00:57:21] [SPEAKER_02]: of who hates you he said because we get we get preoccupied with the people that like us but sometimes

[00:57:31] [SPEAKER_02]: people like us because they like us sometimes they like us because it's convenient sometimes they

[00:57:36] [SPEAKER_02]: like us because they want something from us but the reason the people that dislike you dislike

[00:57:41] [SPEAKER_02]: you for their own reason and it should the consistency for people that don't like you it should be

[00:57:47] [SPEAKER_02]: that the people that don't care for you should be the people that lack the integrity,

[00:57:54] [SPEAKER_02]: the lack character that maybe don't tell the truth that want to cut corners that that want to do

[00:57:59] [SPEAKER_02]: path of least resistance and so if you're paying attention who doesn't like you and that

[00:58:05] [SPEAKER_02]: can there's consistency across what type of person that is then it'll make it more clear for

[00:58:12] [SPEAKER_02]: why other people decide to like you so people with with high values high integrity high ambition

[00:58:19] [SPEAKER_02]: there should be synergy but when that group starts to not like you then maybe is because you're

[00:58:26] [SPEAKER_02]: coming corners right and I thought that was such a brilliant way to think about the the people

[00:58:32] [SPEAKER_02]: in our relevant influence is being clear because not everyone will always like us and there will be

[00:58:38] [SPEAKER_02]: plenty of people that don't like us for reasons that maybe is because we make them uncomfortable

[00:58:46] [SPEAKER_02]: because we're out working them maybe it we make them uncomfortable because we're out performing

[00:58:51] [SPEAKER_02]: them because we're putting in the time because we're because we're actually dead at and so let's

[00:58:55] [SPEAKER_02]: say dedicated to our families or we're dedicated to our work or whatever it is and having that

[00:59:01] [SPEAKER_02]: clearly for me has been one of the most important I guess pieces of advice or nuggets that I've

[00:59:08] [SPEAKER_02]: ever received.

[00:59:12] [SPEAKER_01]: All right Brandon you want to go into your own.

[00:59:16] [SPEAKER_04]: Yeah you know um so Derek long has been my mentor for about twenty five years now

[00:59:25] [SPEAKER_04]: and it's he was business owner he was busy and so he's been in my life across

[00:59:31] [SPEAKER_04]: much in our society being in a husband being a father.

[00:59:37] [SPEAKER_04]: One of the things that he gave me one of the things that he gave me you said life

[00:59:42] [SPEAKER_04]: transformation transformation such crappy such and matters has very good.

[00:59:46] [SPEAKER_04]: I know I was my feelings were I feel we're I agreed with it or not.

[00:59:55] [SPEAKER_04]: I agreed with it or not.

[01:00:01] [SPEAKER_01]: Were you guys hearing that?

[01:00:10] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm hearing that.

[01:00:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm hearing that.

[01:00:11] [SPEAKER_01]: I'm hearing that.

[01:00:14] [SPEAKER_03]: I would recommend everybody.

[01:00:16] [SPEAKER_03]: I would recommend everybody.

[01:00:21] [SPEAKER_01]: We're not going now no.

[01:00:24] [SPEAKER_01]: All right well meet and we'll go to the next one.

[01:00:26] [SPEAKER_01]: I'll give you mine and in Carson you can wrap us up so I um I had a golf coach in high school

[01:00:34] [SPEAKER_01]: and when I started on the golf team there I was really expecting the coach to really like

[01:00:42] [SPEAKER_01]: coach me on my game.

[01:00:43] [SPEAKER_01]: You know show me how to get a better drive or do all of things and the advice that I got from

[01:00:50] [SPEAKER_01]: was actually a her who was as a golf coach.

[01:00:53] [SPEAKER_01]: She said um she said I'm not going to coach you at all right but I'm going to make you accountable

[01:01:00] [SPEAKER_01]: to work hard and that's all she's she's she's it's all she really did is made us accountable

[01:01:09] [SPEAKER_01]: to work hard and what I found was is I wanted to work hard in order to

[01:01:17] [SPEAKER_01]: please her and to please the result of achieving that accountability and it's something that I've

[01:01:22] [SPEAKER_01]: taken with me my whole life is and I get into a situation as like you know sometimes you want

[01:01:28] [SPEAKER_01]: help or coaching or whatever but also looking at am I working hard enough in whatever it is

[01:01:34] [SPEAKER_01]: to even be accountable to that person if I was and I think that ties into everything Carson and

[01:01:40] [SPEAKER_01]: Brandon you were saying earlier but it's something I've remembered for you know 10 years since

[01:01:45] [SPEAKER_01]: I've been out of high school. Beautiful 10 years beautiful I'm going to make it as I heard that

[01:01:51] [SPEAKER_03]: yeah I'm going to add that love it all of our listeners put in the comments your best

[01:01:57] [SPEAKER_03]: now get from a mentor I think that'd be super valuable. Yeah we got a lot of mecha here

[01:02:02] [SPEAKER_01]: mediocre people don't like hi achievers and hi achievers like me don't like mediocre people

[01:02:07] [SPEAKER_03]: it's a great one baby. So I'm going to riff my top four because these are all equally important

[01:02:13] [SPEAKER_03]: kind of like Tim Grover does in his book so if you've ever never read the meaning to relentless

[01:02:18] [SPEAKER_03]: and unstoppable and winning so basically everything is ranked number one because there's no

[01:02:26] [SPEAKER_03]: such thing as one over the other he's got these rules and he throws caution to the wind he picks

[01:02:31] [SPEAKER_03]: 13 top things that are like the the facets of winning so I'm going to make number one number one

[01:02:37] [SPEAKER_03]: number one number one but number one is your network is your network so valuable I lost my job years

[01:02:45] [SPEAKER_03]: ago I had no network I thought I could just parlay my skills into something paying the same thing

[01:02:51] [SPEAKER_03]: I was dead wrong I didn't know people and I needed to invest in real relationships number two control

[01:02:57] [SPEAKER_03]: what you can control you've got to go in and survey the scene understand the playing field

[01:03:02] [SPEAKER_03]: parameters what you can control you got to control it if you don't you're going to have a blind spot

[01:03:09] [SPEAKER_03]: and it will bite you number one become the obvious choice for what you want assume the position

[01:03:17] [SPEAKER_03]: you want to go out and do something go out and do it I love to brand instead of solving

[01:03:22] [SPEAKER_03]: problems being a problem a lindenator that's what I've always tried to do I would have go on

[01:03:26] [SPEAKER_03]: be a manager or a director or a VP I'm going out of them serving in those types of rules

[01:03:33] [SPEAKER_03]: and bringing people together and building community and getting experiences that are going to be

[01:03:38] [SPEAKER_03]: valuable and the last one is when the crowd I realized a long time ago I was very opinionated

[01:03:46] [SPEAKER_03]: and I would have a very dominant personality in certain situations and I've had people say like

[01:03:52] [SPEAKER_03]: look man you got to build consensus you got to win the crowd like they see in gladiator give

[01:03:57] [SPEAKER_03]: something that they will never forget and giving people an experience whether it's a customer

[01:04:03] [SPEAKER_03]: whether it's colleagues whether it's other people that you work with or touch or whatever it is

[01:04:07] [SPEAKER_03]: give them an experience make them feel included when the crowd win them over and you'll be unstoppable

[01:04:16] [SPEAKER_01]: wow all right Doug we're going to let you get back on the road thank you for

[01:04:22] [SPEAKER_01]: I think we can talk all afternoon yeah it was it was not to be with the three of you thank

[01:04:30] [SPEAKER_02]: you thank you so much for for the for the time in this space excited for the next conversation

[01:04:35] [SPEAKER_01]: thank you yeah thanks Doug drive safe drive safe all right let's hear well thanks everyone

[01:04:43] [SPEAKER_01]: Carson rap a separate well echo our way out of here thanks everybody for being on and until next time

[01:04:51] [SPEAKER_03]: happy modern selling happy modern selling all right thanks everyone thank you for joining us today

[01:05:04] [SPEAKER_00]: on mastering modern selling if you enjoyed this episode don't forget to subscribe for more insights

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